This has been a good semester. Actually, now that I think about it, I think its been a great semester. I don't remember a semester having flown through this smoothly ever before. This whole semester passed by in a flash, and I have no idea where the months went by. Although its not over yet, it is coming to a quick end. Yet, I cannot help but feel both excited and nostalgic. Now I only have one more semester of undergrad remaining. Only one. It feels like I was just now getting the hang of things - just now enjoying college and feeling that sense of belonging on campus. That level of comfort and that sense of pride walking on campus in my university to my classes had just kicked in. And now it feels like its time to leave again. A new beginning already. Sigh.
I was just now starting to enjoy college and cherishing these moments. Despite all the long nights and the bag of sorrows that I carried around with me everyday on campus, I'm really going to miss this place. I still have a semester left, and I truly hope that I can enjoy it and appreciate it as much as possible. Because no matter how much we hate studying for exams and keeping our noses buried in textbooks, college is truly an experience that we'll always remember. After graduation, everything will change. Everything. I don't know what lies ahead, but whatever it is, I know that it'll be very different from the present.
This semester I learned and grew up a lot. I mentioned in an earlier post that I've learned that smiling and learning to love life is actually a lot harder than drowning in your sorrows. I think that's the biggest lesson that college has taught me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, know that others are worse off than you are, and appreciate all the good (and the bad actually) that live has thrown your way. Its a lot harder to smile and love life than be depressed all the time. A lot harder. But once you overcome that hurdle and you jump that fence and come to the other side - the grass is actually a lot greener on this end. Nothing brings me down anymore. Does that mean that it does not hurt sometimes? Of course it does. But I get over it, and I've taught myself to get over it again and again. I'm a definite work-in-progress.
Back to the campus. I'm really going to miss it. Little things like the bench in front of the old science building where I sat with my friend and ate chocolate frosty's from Wendy's. Or the computer in the corner in the Honor's College computer lab where I spent many days of my college career. Even the Learning Commons where brown guys stare at you unashamed. My workplace - where I've worked for the last three years, and where perhaps I feel the most at place. Working there has taught me that life is so much easier when you love doing what you're doing and can do with as much passion everyday. I'm going to miss walking on campus ... from the early hours of the day, half asleep all the way to nighttime. I have the campus memorized at this point, and I feel like I can walk through it with my eyes closed and still know where I'm going.
I don't know where the last four years went by, but at this point, what I do know is that I don't regret a single minute of it. Even when things didn't go the way I wanted them to, I learned something. And that's what counts.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Turning 21
I turned 21 this month. 21. They say age is nothing but a number, but this number comes with so much weight - so many questions, so many expectations, and so many promises. What's next is a question I seem to be asking myself a lot lately. I don't feel 21, I don't know where the years went by and how I ended up here. But now that I'm here, I'm afraid of what awaits me tomorrow. Whatever it is, I hope and pray that God gives me the courage to embrace it with open arms.
21. Before I know it, I'll be 30. Sigh!
21. Before I know it, I'll be 30. Sigh!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Confessions: Part Two
I've always been afraid of change. I've learned to embrace the present and love life for what it is now, in this moment. I'm scared of losing the present. I'm scared of regretting having wasted it away. Change scares me - I feel every time things change, life takes something of value away from me. A piece of my life is lost and things fall apart.
But for some reason, these days, I'm looking for something new. Life is good the way it is now, and I'm happy. But still, something deep inside is asking for change: a new beginning. Some excitement, something new to look forward to. But I'm so afraid of losing what I have now that I end up burying these thoughts deeper and deeper inside me. Is it wrong to want something new?
I think what would really help is a new surrounding. Something different around me. New things to look at. Something to explore. I'm tired of the same four walls around me all the time. New scenery would be nice. I want to travel, go somewhere I haven't gone before. See new things and do things I haven't done before. I want to go somewhere far away, somewhere I can sit under the sky and count the stars.
If only.
But for some reason, these days, I'm looking for something new. Life is good the way it is now, and I'm happy. But still, something deep inside is asking for change: a new beginning. Some excitement, something new to look forward to. But I'm so afraid of losing what I have now that I end up burying these thoughts deeper and deeper inside me. Is it wrong to want something new?
I think what would really help is a new surrounding. Something different around me. New things to look at. Something to explore. I'm tired of the same four walls around me all the time. New scenery would be nice. I want to travel, go somewhere I haven't gone before. See new things and do things I haven't done before. I want to go somewhere far away, somewhere I can sit under the sky and count the stars.
If only.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Confessions: Part One
I'm scared of letting people come in. I'm scared of making myself an open book. Over the years, I've built very strong walls around my heart, walls that protect and hide inner feelings, my thoughts, my dreams, and my desires. I'm afraid of opening myself up to anyone and everyone. And they say that the higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you'll fall when someone breaks them down. One day, I know someone is going to break down those walls. The thought terrifies me.
Loving someone means giving them a piece of your heart that you'll never get back. I fear giving someone so much of yourself. Because when those you love the most hurt you, the pain and hurt there is the greatest. I'm afraid that the one who promises to wipe my tears will be the one that will make me cry. And I still won't be able to stop loving him. I'm scared of hurting. I'm scared of those disappointments.
I'm afraid of promises. Promises that he'll make. Promises that I will assume to be concrete reality. Promises that will give me hope and expectations. One day, I'm afraid that those expectations will waver. A promise will be broken. And my heart will shatter. And I'll be there all alone, desperately trying to put pieces of my heart back together.
They say that love is the most beautiful thing in this world. But I'm scared. I'm scared of falling in love.
Loving someone means giving them a piece of your heart that you'll never get back. I fear giving someone so much of yourself. Because when those you love the most hurt you, the pain and hurt there is the greatest. I'm afraid that the one who promises to wipe my tears will be the one that will make me cry. And I still won't be able to stop loving him. I'm scared of hurting. I'm scared of those disappointments.
I'm afraid of promises. Promises that he'll make. Promises that I will assume to be concrete reality. Promises that will give me hope and expectations. One day, I'm afraid that those expectations will waver. A promise will be broken. And my heart will shatter. And I'll be there all alone, desperately trying to put pieces of my heart back together.
They say that love is the most beautiful thing in this world. But I'm scared. I'm scared of falling in love.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Over The Years
Over the years, I've learned many things. I've learned that life is full of disappointments - disappointments that you have to accept, disappointments that you have to embrace. And it is not just experiences in life that are disappointing, it is the people associated with those experiences that are disappointing. I've learned that people will hold your hand when they need it the most, and let it go without a second glance when you need it the most.
I've learned that loving someone with all your heart doesn't ever mean that they'll love you back the same way. I've learned that there is a very big difference between saying you love someone and actually loving them. I've learned that sometimes that difference can make all the difference.
I've learned that out of hundreds of smiles glued on people's faces, there are only a handful that are genuine. And perhaps only one that can truly touch your heart. I've found that words are deceiving, but the truth always lies in a person's eyes.
I've learned that things change without any warning. That happiness come and knocks on your door, but sorrows slip in unnoticed. I've learned that tears come without invitation. I've learned that shedding tears make one stronger, and that tears shouldn't be bottled up inside your heart for too long. I've learned that the longer you wait to cry, the more it hurts.
I've learned that to love and to be loved is all that life is about. To love the people around us and to find comfort in the people who love us is all we need. I've learned that weapons don't hurt people, but rather people do. I've learned that physical violence can leave cuts and bruises, but words can leave deep scars. I've learned that you can't ever stop loving someone. That once you give a piece of your heart away, its gone.
I've learned that you can't change your past, and therefore, dwelling on it doesn't do anyone any good. I've learned that regrets don't help anyone, and sometimes you should just do things in life so that you don't regret not having done them later.
I've learned that loving yourself and trusting yourself is the first step towards being the person you want to be in this world. I've learned that the act of forgiveness helps your heart more than it helps theirs. I've learned that its easier to hate than to love.
I've learned that family and friends are all you have in this world, and you should hold onto them for as long and as hard as you can. I've learned that people will claim to care for you when they really don't. I've learned that people will walk in and out of your lives when they want to, but it is up to you to pick who you want in your life and who you don't.
I've learned that life is unexpected, that things happen in the blink of an eye, and you don't have the power to stop change from occurring. I've learned that sometimes when we think God is punishing us, He is actually helping us. I've learned that faith in God can take you a long way. I've learned that God is watching out for all of us, and we should always remember that. I've learned that not all things in life can be explained and that time heals the deepest of wounds.
I've found that there is nothing wrong with dreaming, but one should never mistake it for reality. I've learned that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and that what is on the inside always outshines what is on the outside. I've learned that making mistakes is okay, as long as you learn to learn from your mistakes.
I've learned that life is meant to be lived thoroughly, to be enjoyed, and to be loved. I've learned that smiling and learning to love life is actually a lot harder than drowning in your sorrows. I've learned that you can't change the past or alter the future, and making the most out of the present is all you can really do. I've learned that everyone's life is hard, but it is how we deal with the challenges in life that makes us who we really are. I've learned that its never too late to learn something new. I've learned that there is still a lot to be learned and you should never be afraid of taking chances. I've learned that you should never say never. And I've learned that you should never ever stop loving life because everything happens for a reason.
I've learned that loving someone with all your heart doesn't ever mean that they'll love you back the same way. I've learned that there is a very big difference between saying you love someone and actually loving them. I've learned that sometimes that difference can make all the difference.
I've learned that out of hundreds of smiles glued on people's faces, there are only a handful that are genuine. And perhaps only one that can truly touch your heart. I've found that words are deceiving, but the truth always lies in a person's eyes.
I've learned that things change without any warning. That happiness come and knocks on your door, but sorrows slip in unnoticed. I've learned that tears come without invitation. I've learned that shedding tears make one stronger, and that tears shouldn't be bottled up inside your heart for too long. I've learned that the longer you wait to cry, the more it hurts.
I've learned that to love and to be loved is all that life is about. To love the people around us and to find comfort in the people who love us is all we need. I've learned that weapons don't hurt people, but rather people do. I've learned that physical violence can leave cuts and bruises, but words can leave deep scars. I've learned that you can't ever stop loving someone. That once you give a piece of your heart away, its gone.
I've learned that you can't change your past, and therefore, dwelling on it doesn't do anyone any good. I've learned that regrets don't help anyone, and sometimes you should just do things in life so that you don't regret not having done them later.
I've learned that loving yourself and trusting yourself is the first step towards being the person you want to be in this world. I've learned that the act of forgiveness helps your heart more than it helps theirs. I've learned that its easier to hate than to love.
I've learned that family and friends are all you have in this world, and you should hold onto them for as long and as hard as you can. I've learned that people will claim to care for you when they really don't. I've learned that people will walk in and out of your lives when they want to, but it is up to you to pick who you want in your life and who you don't.
I've learned that life is unexpected, that things happen in the blink of an eye, and you don't have the power to stop change from occurring. I've learned that sometimes when we think God is punishing us, He is actually helping us. I've learned that faith in God can take you a long way. I've learned that God is watching out for all of us, and we should always remember that. I've learned that not all things in life can be explained and that time heals the deepest of wounds.
I've found that there is nothing wrong with dreaming, but one should never mistake it for reality. I've learned that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and that what is on the inside always outshines what is on the outside. I've learned that making mistakes is okay, as long as you learn to learn from your mistakes.
I've learned that life is meant to be lived thoroughly, to be enjoyed, and to be loved. I've learned that smiling and learning to love life is actually a lot harder than drowning in your sorrows. I've learned that you can't change the past or alter the future, and making the most out of the present is all you can really do. I've learned that everyone's life is hard, but it is how we deal with the challenges in life that makes us who we really are. I've learned that its never too late to learn something new. I've learned that there is still a lot to be learned and you should never be afraid of taking chances. I've learned that you should never say never. And I've learned that you should never ever stop loving life because everything happens for a reason.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Midnight Tales
Its midnight right now, and I'm sitting in front of my laptop with a cup of tea, cleverly ignoring all the biochemistry notes spread around me waiting to be studied. Instead of memorizing strategies of protein purification, I'm trying to listen to my heart. I'm trying to dwell on my thoughts. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of the present, and thoughts of the future. I wonder what the future will hold. It will be something beautiful, I know. And I know that because I have complete faith in God, I know that He is watching out for me.
But I still cannot stop wondering. I dream these days, I smile, I laugh, and I have learned to enjoy life and love it more than I ever have in the past. Alhamdullilah. I realize now how wonderful it is to smile, to be happy, to make others happy, and to push away fear of the future, of what may be, and of trying to fix things before they actually occur.
I'm in my senior year of undergrad right now, and this means something. Soon, I'll be moving onto a new phase in my life, do I want to enter that new phase unhappy? No, I don't. I will be nervous, I know, but I'll be happy. God has been kind to me, and he has blessed me with a wonderful life. Things may not always work out the way I want them to, but things are good. And Inshallah, things will get better.
Deep down though, I have new thoughts emerging. Thoughts of something. Thoughts of someone. Someone special. When will he come? How will I know that he's the one? What if he's around already? Sometimes I wonder if he is someone already in sight, someone I know, but I've failed to realize who he really is. I tell myself to wait patiently, but I'm already somewhere far into the future ... dreaming.
I know, girlish notions of love, what is wrong with me today? But I've been dreaming lately, seeing myself with someone ... holding his hand. Its just a dream, but the warmth of his hand feels so real. Who is he? I wake up and bring myself back to reality, but somehow that feeling of warmth, love, and comfort when his hand brushes against mine refuses to leave.
That feeling brings a smile upon my lips and a familiar face flashes across my mind. Is my mind playing games on me? Is it a sign? I brush away the thought, but the sight of him smiling ... the sparkle when the smile reaches his eyes taunts me.
And with that image in mind, I think I'm going to call it a night. A beautiful night. I'm going to fall asleep listening to the whispers of the night, in hopes that it will give me a reason to continue dreaming.
Good Night.
But I still cannot stop wondering. I dream these days, I smile, I laugh, and I have learned to enjoy life and love it more than I ever have in the past. Alhamdullilah. I realize now how wonderful it is to smile, to be happy, to make others happy, and to push away fear of the future, of what may be, and of trying to fix things before they actually occur.
I'm in my senior year of undergrad right now, and this means something. Soon, I'll be moving onto a new phase in my life, do I want to enter that new phase unhappy? No, I don't. I will be nervous, I know, but I'll be happy. God has been kind to me, and he has blessed me with a wonderful life. Things may not always work out the way I want them to, but things are good. And Inshallah, things will get better.
Deep down though, I have new thoughts emerging. Thoughts of something. Thoughts of someone. Someone special. When will he come? How will I know that he's the one? What if he's around already? Sometimes I wonder if he is someone already in sight, someone I know, but I've failed to realize who he really is. I tell myself to wait patiently, but I'm already somewhere far into the future ... dreaming.
I know, girlish notions of love, what is wrong with me today? But I've been dreaming lately, seeing myself with someone ... holding his hand. Its just a dream, but the warmth of his hand feels so real. Who is he? I wake up and bring myself back to reality, but somehow that feeling of warmth, love, and comfort when his hand brushes against mine refuses to leave.
That feeling brings a smile upon my lips and a familiar face flashes across my mind. Is my mind playing games on me? Is it a sign? I brush away the thought, but the sight of him smiling ... the sparkle when the smile reaches his eyes taunts me.
And with that image in mind, I think I'm going to call it a night. A beautiful night. I'm going to fall asleep listening to the whispers of the night, in hopes that it will give me a reason to continue dreaming.
Good Night.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunset
 |
"The signs of his power and wisdom are spread out in the heavens and on the earth, but only people who have conviction in the truthfulness of His laws can perceive them." [45:3] |
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Eid Mubarak
Another month of Ramadan came to an end yesterday, and Muslims all around the world celebrated Eid-ul-Fitr. I'm sad that Ramadan is over, as always, I didn't feel like I made the most of it. Especially this year - I missed quite a few days of fasting due to bad health. But I did learn something new this year, I learned to be grateful for the good health that God has bestowed upon me. I have certainly taken good, stable health for granted all these years. I'm glad I can say that I'm back to myself now and doing well. Here's hoping that God continues to bless us and that the virtues we practiced over the last month continue all year long. Remember that in this world, it is not what we take but what we give that makes us rich.
Eid was simple this year, with all the lives that were lost in Pakistan recently and in memory of 9/11 victims. But Eid is always festive - it is not what we do on Eid that makes it so special, it is how we feel. Especially this Eid that celebrates the end of Ramadan. Eid is always so festive and cheery, and it means good family time and great food for a lot of us (Alhamdulillah). Both of which, I absolutely love and cherish.
Eid starts off for me on the night before Eid - the eve. I always go out and get henna done on my hands the day before Eid. Eid without mehendi is like what Christmas would be like without a Christmas tree. I absolutely love traditions and rituals associated with Eid. The colorful outfits, the bangles, and all that jazz. Eid mornings always consist of morning prayers with the whole Muslim community. Following prayer, we had lunch at our house with some relatives. Spending time with family on Eid gives me this warm, fuzzy feeling inside. The love, laughter, and happiness associated with Eid are the feelings I truly live for.
After the festivities of the day were over, it was time for all of us to pass out and take a very long nap! My whole family was running on 3-4 hours of sleep. And like every other year, I was the only one who could not fall asleep during the day. I have this issue, I can't seem to go to sleep when the sun is out regardless of how sleepy or tired I am. I know, my strangeness is very strange.
For dinner, possibly for the first time in my whole life, my family decided to go out on Eid. Usually, Eid meals are made at home or at a friend or family's house. Never at a restaurant. The family decided Chinese was on the menu for tonight, and we headed to a fantastic Chinese restaurant on an hour long drive. Let me just tell you that this is a great Chinese restaurant. Chinese being one of my absolute favorite cuisines, I live to eat their Mongolian Beef, Kung Pao Shrimp, Orange Chicken, and Spicy Lo-Mein ... mmmm, right? Okay, okay, stop drooling, someone's probably watching you right now! The only problem is that this restaurant is a buffet. Buffet, what's wrong with that you ask? Well, when we went to the restaurant (a lot later than we usually would might I add), we were expecting a quiet dinner at a quiet restaurant.
Boy, were we wrong or what! There was a line outside the restaurant of people waiting to be seated. We all looked at each other and my mom and I exchanged very meaningful glances. What should we do? Should we go back? But we drove a whole hour to get here! And we were all hungry for some really good Chinese food! We decided to stay. This is the part of the book (or movie) where you whisper to the protagonist "don't do it, don't do it". But as usual, the protagonist doesn't listen, and like the protagonist of whatever book you're currently reading, we also got in line, waiting to be seated.
No big deal, right? You are asked to wait to be seated at Olive Garden or Macaroni Grill or any other restaurant all the time. Yeah, well, what you forgot was that this restaurant caters to desis. And desis are possibly the most ill-mannered, careless, rude, and impatient people that you will ever come across in your life. I'm a desi girl myself, so trust me when I say that I can vouch for the ridiculous desi mentality that I see around me at all desi events.
The restaurant was so packed that there was no room to sit. There were no plates to get food on. After 30 minutes, when they managed to bring some plates out, there was no food on the buffet table to eat. We paid full price to eat leftovers. And on top of that, we listened to rude desis complain and harass the poor servers doing their best to provide everyone service. You would think that at a buffet, food would not be wasted as much. You can eat "all you want", so therefore you would get only how much ever you can eat, right? Wrong. To desis, sinful buffets mean grab anything and everything you can without thinking twice about whether or not you can actually eat the food or not. I mean, c'mon, you're paying for it so you have every right to waste food, don't you? No, silly desi, you don't.
Buffets are meant to provide you with variety. Not to encourage sinful gorging and excessive wasting of food. I absolutely detest it when people waste food. It makes me furious. Unfortunately, the food wasn't as good as it usually is. My favorite dish - Mongolian Beef - was quite a bit disappointing yesterday. But the Kung Pao Shrimp and Orange Chicken were delicious. Despite it all, I would like to thank God for allowing us at least this opportunity to eat out. And on this occasion, I consider myself so, so, so grateful. I hope God will ease the suffering of all those in misery around the world and provide them with a similar opportunities.
Despite the desi guys who feel the need to check you out from head to toe, the overtly-friendly desi uncles, the loud, gossiping desi aunties, the girl who received my oh-so-famous death glare, the desi couple making out in the parking lot hidden from their parents' view (yeah, I know!), and the number of times I rolled my eyes during dinner yesterday, I must say Eid was very nice. And I thoroughly enjoyed the family time yesterday. Thank you God for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me and my family.
I wish all of you out there Eid Mubarak, and I hope you had a just as wonderful and joyous Eid. Boston Globe's The Big Picture has gathered pictures from all around the world to portray Ramadan this year. Some of the most beautiful pictures I've seen in a while. Do take some time out to see them when you get a chance.
Also, I've been following this blog, 30 Mosques, all throughout Ramadan. Its about a very unique Ramadan experience and its definitely worth the read!
Eid Mubarak!
Eid was simple this year, with all the lives that were lost in Pakistan recently and in memory of 9/11 victims. But Eid is always festive - it is not what we do on Eid that makes it so special, it is how we feel. Especially this Eid that celebrates the end of Ramadan. Eid is always so festive and cheery, and it means good family time and great food for a lot of us (Alhamdulillah). Both of which, I absolutely love and cherish.
Eid starts off for me on the night before Eid - the eve. I always go out and get henna done on my hands the day before Eid. Eid without mehendi is like what Christmas would be like without a Christmas tree. I absolutely love traditions and rituals associated with Eid. The colorful outfits, the bangles, and all that jazz. Eid mornings always consist of morning prayers with the whole Muslim community. Following prayer, we had lunch at our house with some relatives. Spending time with family on Eid gives me this warm, fuzzy feeling inside. The love, laughter, and happiness associated with Eid are the feelings I truly live for.
After the festivities of the day were over, it was time for all of us to pass out and take a very long nap! My whole family was running on 3-4 hours of sleep. And like every other year, I was the only one who could not fall asleep during the day. I have this issue, I can't seem to go to sleep when the sun is out regardless of how sleepy or tired I am. I know, my strangeness is very strange.
For dinner, possibly for the first time in my whole life, my family decided to go out on Eid. Usually, Eid meals are made at home or at a friend or family's house. Never at a restaurant. The family decided Chinese was on the menu for tonight, and we headed to a fantastic Chinese restaurant on an hour long drive. Let me just tell you that this is a great Chinese restaurant. Chinese being one of my absolute favorite cuisines, I live to eat their Mongolian Beef, Kung Pao Shrimp, Orange Chicken, and Spicy Lo-Mein ... mmmm, right? Okay, okay, stop drooling, someone's probably watching you right now! The only problem is that this restaurant is a buffet. Buffet, what's wrong with that you ask? Well, when we went to the restaurant (a lot later than we usually would might I add), we were expecting a quiet dinner at a quiet restaurant.
Boy, were we wrong or what! There was a line outside the restaurant of people waiting to be seated. We all looked at each other and my mom and I exchanged very meaningful glances. What should we do? Should we go back? But we drove a whole hour to get here! And we were all hungry for some really good Chinese food! We decided to stay. This is the part of the book (or movie) where you whisper to the protagonist "don't do it, don't do it". But as usual, the protagonist doesn't listen, and like the protagonist of whatever book you're currently reading, we also got in line, waiting to be seated.
No big deal, right? You are asked to wait to be seated at Olive Garden or Macaroni Grill or any other restaurant all the time. Yeah, well, what you forgot was that this restaurant caters to desis. And desis are possibly the most ill-mannered, careless, rude, and impatient people that you will ever come across in your life. I'm a desi girl myself, so trust me when I say that I can vouch for the ridiculous desi mentality that I see around me at all desi events.
The restaurant was so packed that there was no room to sit. There were no plates to get food on. After 30 minutes, when they managed to bring some plates out, there was no food on the buffet table to eat. We paid full price to eat leftovers. And on top of that, we listened to rude desis complain and harass the poor servers doing their best to provide everyone service. You would think that at a buffet, food would not be wasted as much. You can eat "all you want", so therefore you would get only how much ever you can eat, right? Wrong. To desis, sinful buffets mean grab anything and everything you can without thinking twice about whether or not you can actually eat the food or not. I mean, c'mon, you're paying for it so you have every right to waste food, don't you? No, silly desi, you don't.
Buffets are meant to provide you with variety. Not to encourage sinful gorging and excessive wasting of food. I absolutely detest it when people waste food. It makes me furious. Unfortunately, the food wasn't as good as it usually is. My favorite dish - Mongolian Beef - was quite a bit disappointing yesterday. But the Kung Pao Shrimp and Orange Chicken were delicious. Despite it all, I would like to thank God for allowing us at least this opportunity to eat out. And on this occasion, I consider myself so, so, so grateful. I hope God will ease the suffering of all those in misery around the world and provide them with a similar opportunities.
Despite the desi guys who feel the need to check you out from head to toe, the overtly-friendly desi uncles, the loud, gossiping desi aunties, the girl who received my oh-so-famous death glare, the desi couple making out in the parking lot hidden from their parents' view (yeah, I know!), and the number of times I rolled my eyes during dinner yesterday, I must say Eid was very nice. And I thoroughly enjoyed the family time yesterday. Thank you God for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me and my family.
I wish all of you out there Eid Mubarak, and I hope you had a just as wonderful and joyous Eid. Boston Globe's The Big Picture has gathered pictures from all around the world to portray Ramadan this year. Some of the most beautiful pictures I've seen in a while. Do take some time out to see them when you get a chance.
Also, I've been following this blog, 30 Mosques, all throughout Ramadan. Its about a very unique Ramadan experience and its definitely worth the read!
Eid Mubarak!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Fortune Cookie
About three days ago, I made my last post about the rainfall. I mentioned in that post that if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain first. Today, I ate a fortune cookie, and the fortune read:
"If you want the rainbow, you have to tolerate the rain."
Coincidence much? I have a feeling God is trying to tell me something. Either that, or I'm psychic. Either way, I don't just want to tolerate the rain, I want to dance in it!
"If you want the rainbow, you have to tolerate the rain."
Coincidence much? I have a feeling God is trying to tell me something. Either that, or I'm psychic. Either way, I don't just want to tolerate the rain, I want to dance in it!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Rainfall
Its been raining constantly throughout this week. Terrible rainfall. I usually love the rain, hearing it splatter against my window makes me happy inside. But driving through such heavy rainfall, barely being able to see the lights on the car in front of you on an interstate highway isn't exactly my idea of fun. Walking around campus half drenched isn't all that fun either. Unfortunately.
But as they say, if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. Figuratively speaking, I'm doing the same. Putting up with the rain and waiting for that rainbow to come and shine over my head. I know it will. *Fingers crossed*
With Labor Day off, you would think this week would feel shorter, but on the contrary, it feels like a really long week. Maybe it's just me. The semester is picking up now. I started this week by stepping outside of my house with my glasses, rather than my usual way of using my contacts. You know it's going to be a very slow week when I step out of the house with my glasses.
This week, I'm hoping that the rain will wash away all my worries. People say that when it rains, the heavens seem to be crying with us. I disagree. I think that when it rains, the heavens are trying to wipe away our tears and to give us that one ray of sunshine.
Overall, life is a little down these days, but that's okay. If you want something in life, you have to gather the courage to get up and go get it. So what are you waiting for?
But as they say, if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. Figuratively speaking, I'm doing the same. Putting up with the rain and waiting for that rainbow to come and shine over my head. I know it will. *Fingers crossed*
With Labor Day off, you would think this week would feel shorter, but on the contrary, it feels like a really long week. Maybe it's just me. The semester is picking up now. I started this week by stepping outside of my house with my glasses, rather than my usual way of using my contacts. You know it's going to be a very slow week when I step out of the house with my glasses.
This week, I'm hoping that the rain will wash away all my worries. People say that when it rains, the heavens seem to be crying with us. I disagree. I think that when it rains, the heavens are trying to wipe away our tears and to give us that one ray of sunshine.
Overall, life is a little down these days, but that's okay. If you want something in life, you have to gather the courage to get up and go get it. So what are you waiting for?
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Inspired.
I'm back. After almost six months of vanishing from the face of the planet, I've decided to return. Now don't ask me where I've been or what I've been doing because I'm trying to recollect that myself. Where did the last six months of my life go? I could sit down and ponder upon that question for many hours or even days, but I don't believe in looking towards the past for answers. It's gone. Live for the moment, this moment, and live it well.
I spent the last hour or so on this blog trying to change things around. I read all my old posts from the time I started this blog and constantly nodded my head in disapproval. I tried to change around the layout, the template, and the background, but found nothing appealing. Blogger is begging me to adapt to one of their newer templates, but I didn't find anything worthy of this change. The only down side to this current template is that its limited - I can't change anything around on it anymore, its that outdated. Either it all stays or it all goes.
Now you're probably wondering why I'm so caught up on making these changes. I don't know, but things didn't feel right. Some of my old posts are making me roll my eyes and seriously wondering what the heck I was thinking when I wrote that! I want it all to go away. I want a fresh start, I want this. I want that.
Well sucks for me, doesn't it? Life doesn't care what I want. There's no such thing as a fresh start in life. And that's what I learned today. You can't change the past, its become a part of you now. The past defines you, who you are, and what you stand for. Granted I could cheat online and start a new blog or edit/delete my old posts, but now I'm not sure if I want to do that. I stared this blog in August 2009, around this time last year. I have about six months of my life recorded on these pages. Things I've felt, things I've written, and things I've shared. Why would I possibly want to give that up - no matter how irrelevant or ridiculous it may seem now.
I've always embraced everything about myself, including my flaws. I feel that even my flaws make up who I am. If I changed that, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Okay, I know, good excuse to continue being stubborn for the rest of my life, right? Yeah, I guess. But its also more than that - more than just accepting the negative aspects of your life, its more like embracing those negative things.
I'm going to do just that from now on - embracing the past instead of trying to erase it, living for today, and working towards the future. Because, really, that's all you can do.
Okay, enough about that. Going through my old posts and this blog in general, I've realized how awfully depressing it really is. Quite honestly, I'm not half as depressed or sad in real life as this blog makes me seem. Of course, I have my days and so does everyone else. The problem is that I usually come to vent to this blog on days I'm feeling down, so it carries this depressed aura in my posts. I have to change that and start coming here more often, even on days when I'm happy. Because really, I should be sharing happiness, not sorrow, right?
I spent the last hour or so on this blog trying to change things around. I read all my old posts from the time I started this blog and constantly nodded my head in disapproval. I tried to change around the layout, the template, and the background, but found nothing appealing. Blogger is begging me to adapt to one of their newer templates, but I didn't find anything worthy of this change. The only down side to this current template is that its limited - I can't change anything around on it anymore, its that outdated. Either it all stays or it all goes.
Now you're probably wondering why I'm so caught up on making these changes. I don't know, but things didn't feel right. Some of my old posts are making me roll my eyes and seriously wondering what the heck I was thinking when I wrote that! I want it all to go away. I want a fresh start, I want this. I want that.
Well sucks for me, doesn't it? Life doesn't care what I want. There's no such thing as a fresh start in life. And that's what I learned today. You can't change the past, its become a part of you now. The past defines you, who you are, and what you stand for. Granted I could cheat online and start a new blog or edit/delete my old posts, but now I'm not sure if I want to do that. I stared this blog in August 2009, around this time last year. I have about six months of my life recorded on these pages. Things I've felt, things I've written, and things I've shared. Why would I possibly want to give that up - no matter how irrelevant or ridiculous it may seem now.
I've always embraced everything about myself, including my flaws. I feel that even my flaws make up who I am. If I changed that, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Okay, I know, good excuse to continue being stubborn for the rest of my life, right? Yeah, I guess. But its also more than that - more than just accepting the negative aspects of your life, its more like embracing those negative things.
I'm going to do just that from now on - embracing the past instead of trying to erase it, living for today, and working towards the future. Because, really, that's all you can do.
Okay, enough about that. Going through my old posts and this blog in general, I've realized how awfully depressing it really is. Quite honestly, I'm not half as depressed or sad in real life as this blog makes me seem. Of course, I have my days and so does everyone else. The problem is that I usually come to vent to this blog on days I'm feeling down, so it carries this depressed aura in my posts. I have to change that and start coming here more often, even on days when I'm happy. Because really, I should be sharing happiness, not sorrow, right?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Goodbye
With sorrow, carved upon my heart
Hand in hand with grief, I stand
Upon the road where we had part
Trying to make my heart understand
Like dead leaves, flying in the air
I hover upon the many roads ahead
Ignoring all the others there
For the one that leads to you instead
Like falling water, let the tears flow
For a moment, let time be still
If the ocean wants to shed its woe
Then let grief upon the shores instill
I hold a small wish upon my lips
Upon the road, my eyes await
Hoping that you're a celestial eclipse
Hiding behind the sun, the moon abate
This sorrow, I have learned to embrace
For it reminds me that you were once there
Life has given me everything to replace
Except your absence that I have to bear
Hand in hand with grief, I stand
Upon the road where we had part
Trying to make my heart understand
Like dead leaves, flying in the air
I hover upon the many roads ahead
Ignoring all the others there
For the one that leads to you instead
Like falling water, let the tears flow
For a moment, let time be still
If the ocean wants to shed its woe
Then let grief upon the shores instill
I hold a small wish upon my lips
Upon the road, my eyes await
Hoping that you're a celestial eclipse
Hiding behind the sun, the moon abate
This sorrow, I have learned to embrace
For it reminds me that you were once there
Life has given me everything to replace
Except your absence that I have to bear
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Cinderella
When I was a little girl
I wanted to be Cinderella
To dance in the rain
Without my umbrella
In my glass slippers
I’d walk down the road
Where Prince Charming
On his dark horse, rode
I’d wait for him to descend
In all his shining glory
He would come to save me
Like in a fairy tale story
Then, I started growing up
And saw my own dreams
I’d close my eyes and think
How I wanted life to gleam
There was so much I wanted
And life had so much to give
I didn’t need anyone to save me
I didn’t need a prince to live
I don’t need a Fairy Godmother
Or anyone to cast me a spell
I’d walk to the ball if I have to
And after midnight, bid farewell
I don’t need anyone to set me free
Because I’m not Cinderella
I don’t want to wait for somebody
Sitting in some dark, cold cellar
I don’t want a palace of my own
Nor a Prince Charming to thrive
I’d rather rescue myself, because
I got my own will to survive
I wanted to be Cinderella
To dance in the rain
Without my umbrella
In my glass slippers
I’d walk down the road
Where Prince Charming
On his dark horse, rode
I’d wait for him to descend
In all his shining glory
He would come to save me
Like in a fairy tale story
Then, I started growing up
And saw my own dreams
I’d close my eyes and think
How I wanted life to gleam
There was so much I wanted
And life had so much to give
I didn’t need anyone to save me
I didn’t need a prince to live
I don’t need a Fairy Godmother
Or anyone to cast me a spell
I’d walk to the ball if I have to
And after midnight, bid farewell
I don’t need anyone to set me free
Because I’m not Cinderella
I don’t want to wait for somebody
Sitting in some dark, cold cellar
I don’t want a palace of my own
Nor a Prince Charming to thrive
I’d rather rescue myself, because
I got my own will to survive
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Aspirations
Have you ever wanted something so much and for so long that the mere thought of not being able to get it seems impractical and surreal? I have. Its to the point where I cannot even begin to imagine a future without all the things that I have wanted and hoped for, for so many years now. Perhaps it is extremely absurd and idealistic, but it does instill a sense of passion within me. I honestly believe that if you want something with all your heart, if you work for something with all your might, that you will get it in the end. God himself will come down and hand it to you if need be, but only if its meant for you. Now I thunk and I thunk, wondering if all that I want is made for me or not, and I realize that why would it not be meant for me? Why would God let me spend all these years waiting for this one dream to come true, if it wasn't meant for me?
I realize that this whole theory is extremely idealistic and too optimistic, but if you knew me, and you knew exactly how empty a half empty glass looks to me, you'll see that this is, in my screwed up mind, a very logical approach to life. Right or wrong, I don't know, but what I do know is that "just if" are the two most depressing words in the English language, and "I tried" are the two most inspiring. And ten or twenty years down the road, I really want to tell myself that I tried, because I personally think that regret is the worst emotion in this world. Regretting over things you cannot change is one of the cruelest punishments you can give yourself. I do things in life with the mere hope that I won’t end up regretting something a couple of years down the road. Do things in life with all your heart. If it works out for you, great, if it doesn’t, oh well. At least you tried.
Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars." The amount of truth in that small statement inspires me to sit underneath the starry sky I see above, and dream some more. I always thought that the more you dream, the more you end up hurting yourself when those dreams don't come true. But today, I realize that, in the end, it does not matter whether that dream comes true or not, all that matters is that the dream was worth chasing.
If that's the case, I don't know about you, but I can spend a whole lifetime chasing after my dreams.
I realize that this whole theory is extremely idealistic and too optimistic, but if you knew me, and you knew exactly how empty a half empty glass looks to me, you'll see that this is, in my screwed up mind, a very logical approach to life. Right or wrong, I don't know, but what I do know is that "just if" are the two most depressing words in the English language, and "I tried" are the two most inspiring. And ten or twenty years down the road, I really want to tell myself that I tried, because I personally think that regret is the worst emotion in this world. Regretting over things you cannot change is one of the cruelest punishments you can give yourself. I do things in life with the mere hope that I won’t end up regretting something a couple of years down the road. Do things in life with all your heart. If it works out for you, great, if it doesn’t, oh well. At least you tried.
Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars." The amount of truth in that small statement inspires me to sit underneath the starry sky I see above, and dream some more. I always thought that the more you dream, the more you end up hurting yourself when those dreams don't come true. But today, I realize that, in the end, it does not matter whether that dream comes true or not, all that matters is that the dream was worth chasing.
If that's the case, I don't know about you, but I can spend a whole lifetime chasing after my dreams.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Living For Today
Chaahe jo tumhe poore dil se
Milta hai who mushkil se
Aisa jo koi kahin hai
Bas wohi sabse haseen hai
Us haath ko tum thaam lo
Woh meherbaan kal ho na ho
Translation:
Someone who loves you with all his heart
Is very hard to find
But whoever and wherever he is
He is simply the most beautiful
Take his hand in yours today
Because he may not be around tomorrow
Milta hai who mushkil se
Aisa jo koi kahin hai
Bas wohi sabse haseen hai
Us haath ko tum thaam lo
Woh meherbaan kal ho na ho
Translation:
Someone who loves you with all his heart
Is very hard to find
But whoever and wherever he is
He is simply the most beautiful
Take his hand in yours today
Because he may not be around tomorrow
Sunday, January 10, 2010
2010
2010: The beginning of another new year, a fresh start, a new beginning. With another lost dream, a defeated mission, many hopeless nights, new sorrows, broken hearts comes the promise of another dream, more hope, lots of love, and a new beginning. I'm a little late, but unsure of when it is officially weird to wish someone a happy new year, here's to 2010, may it be all that 2009 wasn't and all that we wanted 2009 to be.
The beginning of a new year allows us to step into a new year with a fresh start, a clean slate. As we step into the new year, we make ourselves many promises, look up into the sky and see another dream, stare at the stars and remember all those dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, and hope with all our heart that all these dreams will finally come true, that the stars will descend onto the earth and turn into reality.
Although the new year brings us so much hope, and we welcome it with open arms, deep down each of us knows that at the end of the year, we will find more unfilled dreams, more disappointments, and perhaps a greater sorrow. But to know that with all that uncertainty, comes that small speck of hope that perhaps this year may be the one, perhaps a small dream will come true, and maybe a new happiness will come into our life, we can't help but smile.
Personally, 2010 is a very significant year in my life. Things will happen, perhaps life will take a new turn, maybe even one I can't imagine. Many questions will be answered, many new questions will form, either dreams will come true or they will die, but either way, those dreams will not be left hanging. And that's okay, because, as much as we would like it to be, not all we want is meant to be. With that we can only hope that what is meant to be, we will embrace with open arms, and learn to thank God for the life that he has bestowed upon us.
That said, with God's blessings, let us step into 2010 and live each day as though its the last.
The beginning of a new year allows us to step into a new year with a fresh start, a clean slate. As we step into the new year, we make ourselves many promises, look up into the sky and see another dream, stare at the stars and remember all those dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, and hope with all our heart that all these dreams will finally come true, that the stars will descend onto the earth and turn into reality.
Although the new year brings us so much hope, and we welcome it with open arms, deep down each of us knows that at the end of the year, we will find more unfilled dreams, more disappointments, and perhaps a greater sorrow. But to know that with all that uncertainty, comes that small speck of hope that perhaps this year may be the one, perhaps a small dream will come true, and maybe a new happiness will come into our life, we can't help but smile.
Personally, 2010 is a very significant year in my life. Things will happen, perhaps life will take a new turn, maybe even one I can't imagine. Many questions will be answered, many new questions will form, either dreams will come true or they will die, but either way, those dreams will not be left hanging. And that's okay, because, as much as we would like it to be, not all we want is meant to be. With that we can only hope that what is meant to be, we will embrace with open arms, and learn to thank God for the life that he has bestowed upon us.
That said, with God's blessings, let us step into 2010 and live each day as though its the last.
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