Midnight Tales

Its midnight right now, and I'm sitting in front of my laptop with a cup of tea, cleverly ignoring all the biochemistry notes spread around me waiting to be studied. Instead of memorizing strategies of protein purification, I'm trying to listen to my heart. I'm trying to dwell on my thoughts. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of the present, and thoughts of the future. I wonder what the future will hold. It will be something beautiful, I know. And I know that because I have complete faith in God, I know that He is watching out for me.

But I still cannot stop wondering. I dream these days, I smile, I laugh, and I have learned to enjoy life and love it more than I ever have in the past. Alhamdullilah. I realize now how wonderful it is to smile, to be happy, to make others happy, and to push away fear of the future, of what may be, and of trying to fix things before they actually occur.

I'm in my senior year of undergrad right now, and this means something. Soon, I'll be moving onto a new phase in my life, do I want to enter that new phase unhappy? No, I don't. I will be nervous, I know, but I'll be happy. God has been kind to me, and he has blessed me with a wonderful life. Things may not always work out the way I want them to, but things are good. And Inshallah, things will get better.

Deep down though, I have new thoughts emerging. Thoughts of something. Thoughts of someone. Someone special. When will he come? How will I know that he's the one? What if he's around already? Sometimes I wonder if he is someone already in sight, someone I know, but I've failed to realize who he really is. I tell myself to wait patiently, but I'm already somewhere far into the future ... dreaming.

I know, girlish notions of love, what is wrong with me today? But I've been dreaming lately, seeing myself with someone ... holding his hand. Its just a dream,  but the warmth of his hand feels so real. Who is he? I wake up and bring myself back to reality, but somehow that feeling of warmth, love, and comfort when his hand brushes against mine refuses to leave.

That feeling brings a smile upon my lips and a familiar face flashes across my mind. Is my mind playing games on me? Is it a sign? I brush away the thought, but the sight of him smiling ... the sparkle when the smile reaches his eyes taunts me.

And with that image in mind, I think I'm going to call it a night. A beautiful night. I'm going to fall asleep listening to the whispers of the night, in hopes that it will give me a reason to continue dreaming.

Good Night.