Inspired.

I'm back. After almost six months of vanishing from the face of the planet, I've decided to return. Now don't ask me where I've been or what I've been doing because I'm trying to recollect that myself. Where did the last six months of my life go? I could sit down and ponder upon that question for many hours or even days, but I don't believe in looking towards the past for answers. It's gone. Live for the moment, this moment, and live it well.

I spent the last hour or so on this blog trying to change things around. I read all my old posts from the time I started this blog and constantly nodded my head in disapproval. I tried to change around the layout, the template, and the background, but found nothing appealing. Blogger is begging me to adapt to one of their newer templates, but I didn't find anything worthy of this change. The only down side to this current template is that its limited - I can't change anything around on it anymore, its that outdated. Either it all stays or it all goes.

Now you're probably wondering why I'm so caught up on making these changes. I don't know, but things didn't feel right. Some of my old posts are making me roll my eyes and seriously wondering what the heck I was thinking when I wrote that! I want it all to go away. I want a fresh start, I want this. I want that.

Well sucks for me, doesn't it? Life doesn't care what I want. There's no such thing as a fresh start in life. And that's what I learned today. You can't change the past, its become a part of you now. The past defines you, who you are, and what you stand for. Granted I could cheat online and start a new blog or edit/delete my old posts, but now I'm not sure if I want to do that. I stared this blog in August 2009, around this time last year. I have about six months of my life recorded on these pages. Things I've felt, things I've written, and things I've shared. Why would I possibly want to give that up - no matter how irrelevant or ridiculous it may seem now.

I've always embraced everything about myself, including my flaws. I feel that even my flaws make up who I am. If I changed that, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Okay, I know, good excuse to continue being stubborn for the rest of my life, right? Yeah, I guess. But its also more than that - more than just accepting the negative aspects of your life, its more like embracing those negative things.

I'm going to do just that from now on - embracing the past instead of trying to erase it, living for today, and working towards the future. Because, really, that's all you can do.

Okay, enough about that. Going through my old posts and this blog in general, I've realized how awfully depressing it really is. Quite honestly, I'm not half as depressed or sad in real life as this blog makes me seem. Of course, I have my days and so does everyone else. The problem is that I usually come to vent to this blog on days I'm feeling down, so it carries this depressed aura in my posts. I have to change that and start coming here more often, even on days when I'm happy. Because really, I should be sharing happiness, not sorrow, right?