The Question of Marriage

I wrote this post a week or two ago, and never got around to publishing it. Better late than never though:

I was actually watching the news, which is usually something I never do (I prefer the internet), but they were showing the whole balloon boy fiasco and I was curious. Anyways, I caught that whole bit about the Louisiana justice who denied the interracial couple a marriage license. I thought it was outrageous. I don't think his argument makes sense at all, 'its hard on the kids'? If he's worried so much about the kids, why doesn't he start working with those couples who are getting divorced left and right without thinking twice of their kids futures, and letting their families fall apart for insignificant reasons? If he's really worried about the kids, why doesn't he prevent those same race couples who shouldn't be having kids in the first place from producing? If he really does care about the future of unborn kids, he should go talk to those women who are aborting their kids. His excuse was ludicrous and it has racial prejudice written all over it. I do not think anyone has the right to tell someone how to live their life.

Now, as far as how society or even we ourselves see association with those of a different race goes, I think we, through human nature, for some reason are more comfortable with those who are of our race. And there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has a certain hesitation when they interact with somebody who's unlike you - whether its race, ethnicity, religion, etc etc. Our minds simply work that way. If you or me, were walking alone down a dark street, we'd feel more comfortable if we ran into someone of our race walking by, rather than someone of another race. It's an innate reaction, a natural tendency for us to search for people who are more and more like us. And I think we have to accept that its natural and move on, labeling it as prejudice doesn't do anyone any good. But obviously, there are always people who go overboard and take things to the next level - and that is where racial prejudice comes in.

This got me thinking and led to this extremely long rant on marriage, from a different, yet related perspective. Make sense of it if you will.

Coming to a more personal level, I don't think it is just a matter of what parents think. For example, in the case of marriage, sure desi (those who originate from the Indian Subcontinent, pronounced day-see) parents would have a heart attack if they knew their child was wanting to be with someone who was of a different race. But I do not think its because their bad people, or racists, or because they hold certain stereotypes, I think its because, again, they feel uncomfortable around people who are not like them. All parents want their children to be with someone who shares the same beliefs, morals, and values as them. Again, an innate tendency.

My opinion is that I need to be with someone who shares my culture, my faith, my beliefs, and my values. I feel that these similarities are necessary to build a common ground, and from that common ground, the art of compromise can begin. But if compromises start coming in the way of these very central beliefs, these values that make us who we are, I think living with that person, sharing a life with them, becomes very difficult. I'm not saying its not doable, obviously it is, and people do it successfully as well, but talking about me personally, I have certain needs as a person. Forget even religion, to me culture and tradition hold so much meaning, and my strong liking for it makes me want to share it with someone. Sure, it would be nice to blend cultures together and see what new traditions you create, but those original traditions hold their own meaning. And why limit it to culture - going beyond it, I need to share the same language, the same types of foods, the rituals, the clothing, the behavior, and eventually faith and religion. And that becomes harder and harder to do with someone who comes from a completely different world than your's. It is not a prejudice, but just a matter of different perspectives, and I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting things a certain way.

I have heard that love is quite intoxicating, but I don't think there is anything in this world that could convince me to defy my parents. See, personally, I don't think that I even have the capacity to do something against my parents' wishes. It is not because I am weak, or that they suppress me, or compel me to do things that I cannot do, but because I love them too much to even imagine ever hurting them. But that by no means indicates that those who do defy their parents do not love them. Obviously, we make our own choices, and sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, right? But I do always remind myself that what my parents want for me is the best and greatest. If they stop me from doing something, it is with my best interests in mind. Unlike us, parents are not selfish, they really do care. But sometimes, parents want so much for us that their real intentions are lost along the way. They want us to learn from their mistakes and to not commit the same ones in our lives, but what they forget is that they did not learn from their parents' mistakes either, and therefore, we will have to learn from our own mistakes as well. If we really put our minds to it, we can assess both viewpoints. There is no right or wrong answer, both sides have a point, but neither is willing to compromise.

Nothing in this world is absolute. You cannot ensure anything before it happens. That's just not how life works. I know that, and I realize that. But just because life and the future is uncertain, does not mean that your present has to be. Even marriages within the same culture, faith, beliefs and values, don't always work. And I accept that, I mean, what other choice do we have? One can still hope for the best, can't they? If I pick someone with base similarities, someone who I think I can spend the rest of my life with, and then things don't work out, then it wasn't meant to be. But at least I did my part, and beyond that I have no control. As far as arranged marriages go, I think fate plays a large role, as cheesy as this sounds, I do think that in the end up you end with someone you're meant to be with, and that's what matters.